- Principle 1- Acknowledge the power of biology. Use his
attraction to negotiate a successful courtship.
- Principle 5- Strengthen your capacity for self-control by
taking command of your social calendar.
- Principle 11- Realize that there are many single men searching for relationships. Have the courage to end yours when things aren't working out and start again.
SEARCHING FOR COURTSHIP lays out a clear road map for the
woman who is single but doesn't want to be and the woman who wants
commitment in the form of a long term relationship leading to marriage.
According to Dr. Winnifred Cutler, the search for courtship is a dynamic process involving the male pursuit of a woman, who in turn defines his role and sets limits to achieve a loving, physical relationship fulfilling for both partners. Based on biological principles and years of research, this book offers practical exercises and real-life examples. SEARCHING FOR COURTSHIP declares a woman's right to find a suitable and satisfying mate, one who will befriend her, love and respect her, and form a lifetime commitment with her.
Readers will learn: that good single men DO exist, why you should not be searching for your "type," the politics of dating (who invites, who pays), how to distinguish lust from love, and how to avoid being disappointed or mistreated. Men can read for themselves the qualities women look for in a man.
THE CODE OF COURTSHIP: ELEVEN PRINCIPLES TO GUIDE YOU TO YOUR GOAL OF COURTSHIP
The following are just several of the eleven principles Dr. Cutler has established as a CODE to practice:
A STORY FROM "FRIEDA" WHO LEARNED TO FOLLOW THE CODE OF COURTSHIP
Frieda was 38 when she attended a workshop and explored her history with men. As she did, she recognized that her problem centered on principles four and five. When men began to show interest in her, she would typically respond with pretty much whatever they wanted. Her usual experience was to receive a phone call on a Friday afternoon from a new or not so new man who would ask her what she was doing this weekend. And usually the truth was she had no plans.
Then when the man would suggest that they get together, although she felt uneasy about it, she would agree to see him at the last minute. She didn't like this, but didn't know how to change it. Through the exercises that follow, she learned how to communicate what she wanted. More important, she strengthened her capacity for self-control and her dignity by taking command of her calendar. Her life changed dramatically.
EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:
WHY COURTSHIP WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE - The search for courtship is a definite, positive act. Courtship is not a random activity that just happens. Once you decide that you are going to take action to reach for what you want, you first need to prepare yourself. Then you set out on the journey. Like all journeys, the search for courtship will take you to new places, places you may never have been before.
It is important to recognize that people can and, in certain circumstances, do change. I think a leopard can change its spots. A man who learns what you require may be able to rise to your challenge. Consider men you have known who treated some women badly and others well.
Don't buy into the idea that "what you see is what you get." Think of the homely seed that can bloom into a lovely plant with proper tending and nurturing. What you see in a courtship candidate is not what you get. Love changes people. What you see is the raw material before love has been added - if the candidate before you is available.
You can change also, and you will surely need to if you want courtship and if you have not had it before in your experiences with intimacy. You may have to change your attitude, your way of seeing, your way of perceiving.
WHAT READERS ARE SAYING ABOUT SEARCHING FOR COURTSHIP:
Minnie (TX) "That book , Searching for Courtship, it’s working! Lots
of advice, no nonsense for smart modern women. I am very skeptical about
self help books from the bookstore. Bur after reading your book I started to
reinvent myself. No more try it, you’ll like it. I went through time to be
by myself like you taught, I decided I wanted to get married. I couldn’t
keep a relationship after my divorce, I got confused. Lots of offers, lots
of dates, short relationships. And then after I studied your book...I found
this person at work. We became friends. I put out all the baits; he did the
fishing. He asked my daughter for permission to marry me. I just want you to
know that I respect your work very much."
Paula (FL) "I am a
psychotherapist and find your books on courtship and sexuality very useful.
I tell my patients about your books as well as the pheromones....Your work
is so relevant to understanding and articulating the mind-body connection
for practicing therapists and for their patients. Some years back, I read
Searching for Courtship, left my terrible marriage, got a divorce, followed
the principles and have enjoyed the years ever since. Your work has been
enormously valuable to me personally....Honest to goodness everything fell
into place...I began following the principles you describe on integrity,
clarity and so forth. Shortly thereafter I met a fellow who was dating
several women. I clearly told him that I was not interested in developing a
relationship under those circumstances and wished him well. Well, a few
months later he called me back...our relationship
progressed."